Mistreated by your new role as a parent, you and your spouse are a little distant since the birth of your child. Caroline Kruse *, marriage counselor, gives you some tips to find harmony in your relationship.
Why can the birth of a child weaken the harmony of a couple?
- The arrival of a childThis is an important change that changes the equilibrium found so far, even if it was desired so intensely by both partners. The roles of each are deeply reworked, we go from two to three, a couple to a family ... We must find new benchmarks.
How to preserve your relationship with this change?
- Do not put pressure on yourselfbut on the contrary, give yourself time. To find a life of a couple after the birth of a child requires accommodation and organization. However, once a certain rhythm has been established, the couple must begin to exist outside the child. This is important for young parents, but it is also important for the child who needs to know that his parents are not "only" his parents. If a solution of guard is not possible the time of a exit to the restaurant nothing prevents to organize a real dinner head-to-head in the living room, even if the child sleeps beside.
The birth of a child sometimes disturbs the parents' libido. How to react ?
The decline of desire after birth is a phenomenon that affects many couples. Nights too short spent caring for a crying baby are not really conducive to cuddling or romantic dialogue. It is necessary to be able to free oneself from the normative speech conveyed by the society and which constrains to the maximum performances. This discourse is already sufficiently present in the professional life, so that it does not invade also our emotional and sexual life. Do you have less desire or are you simply tired? Do not hesitate to confide in one another without fear. In discussing, everyone will be relieved to have been heard and appease his own apprehensions.
Sexuality is not just the sexual act
Concretely, how to relight the flame?
- By taking his time and reinvesting the field of sensuality. Sexuality is not just the sexual act. Each couple can, in a playful way and according to what pleases to one and the other, to find a way to relaunch the desire. It can be caresses different from those we used, massages, meals in unusual places, unusual walks ... The arrival of a child can be an opportunity to get out of the routine in which we feared maybe to be confronted before the birth of his baby. If desire really does not come back, if sensuality is no longer present in the couple, a therapist can help to understand what is at stake in this blockage, before things really get stuck.
*Caroline Kruse is the author of "How to continue to speak to one another, to love oneself, to desire oneself" ed, Marabout.
Find the desire after baby: the video